Prepare Your Pit Crew Agreement
Grandparents, Teachers, and others: work through your commitments, then download a printable cheat sheet you can keep, share, and sign. One page that keeps your whole team aligned with the parents doing the healing work.
Grandparent / Family
Love fiercely without fracturing the attachment the parents are building.
Work through every commitment to build your personalized cheat sheet.
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Grandparent / Family Cheat Sheet
Love fiercely without fracturing the attachment the parents are building.
Do This
- Ask the parents what they need before assuming — then do exactly that.
- Keep the same rules, routines, and language the parents use.
- Stay calm and regulated when the child pushes you away — it's fear, not rejection.
- Be a predictable, warm, low-pressure presence in the child's life.
Avoid This
- Undermine the parents in front of the child — even well-meant 'rescue' deepens the wound.
- Buy your way into the child's heart with gifts, secrets, or special treatment.
- Apply sticker charts, lectures, or consequences that backfire with a survival-wired brain.
- Take the child's hostility personally or comment on the parents' methods to others.
What to Say
The child refuses to give you a high-five.
"I'm just glad to see you."
You're tempted to 'help' by overriding a boundary
"Mom and Dad know best for you. I'm going to follow their lead because I love you both."
The child tries to confide against the parents
"That sounds hard. Let's talk to your mom and dad together so we can figure it out as a team."
Ready to bring your whole team onto the same page? Explore the full Pit Crew Training outline, or practice the reframe in the response simulator.